Janni, Jimmy, get in here now!
I'm so tired of all the fighting. You have no idea!
- He hit me first. - He hit me first.
- Liar! - I don't care who started it.
It has to stop. I need you two to get along.
You understand that one day...
...you will inherit my empire, yes?
- What's an empire? - Shut up.
This will remind you that you are two halves of one.
Together, you are more powerful than apart. Yes?
What does this mean?
One day, you will find out.
Hey, seņor.
- Freeze! - Hi, honey.
Just vacuumed this rug, okay? I got it all even.
Take your shoes off, please. You know the rule.
Now, please, try not to scare Blanche.
Don't clunk. You're scaring her! Look, you scared Blanche now, Jill. Jill!
Be done in a minute. Don't go in.
There's a surprise in there! Don't look.
Okay.
Finished it up today.
It's all our favorite hit men. All our favorite hits.
Now, I don't think you ever met Tony "The Tooth." Capped him in Chicago.
I even got the hole in his head where I whacked him with a 9-iron.
Santo "Three Fingers." Remember the rat that wouldn't shut up?
And, of course, Frankie Figs.
Who could forget Frankie Figs?
"Oh, wow, Jimmy, you shot me."
- Poor Frankie. - Jimmy.
- What? - We need to talk.
I mean, I...
I just wanted everything to be perfect for when the baby came. That's all.
That's what we need to talk about.
So how did the hit go?
- Good. - Really?
- So you let him get away. - No!
- Then he's dead? - Yeah.
- Then what is it? - I didn't kill him.
- But he is dead. - At first, everything went smooth.
I did everything you said. I had the taxi, I had the flowers.
Nobody even notices me. I could have been invisible.
You have a problem getting in?
Oh, honey, I finally used my lock-pick set!
Like this, I was in there and I'm waiting and I'm poised...
...I'm cool as a cucumber. All of a sudden, the frigging guy's phone rings.
You flinched.
- I whip my gun around... - You flinched!
...and I knock over his tomato sauce.
You must stay focused when you are killing a person!
Then I've got this whole big mess.
The more I try to clean up, the worse it gets.
Tomato sauce is a tough stain to get out. You need a good grease cutter.
Then finally, I hear the guy's key in the lock.
Now, let me guess: Your shotgun's out of reach.
So now I gotta think fast. So I go for my gun...
...he slides across the floor and, well...
I would go into detail, but let's just say...
...he left the building.
I gotta say, if the guy's dead, we gotta put this in the win column.
Same thing with Spiegelman. He fell down an elevator shaft.
But you were running right behind him just before he fell.
But I just wanna shoot someone!
All right, now. All right, now, baby.
Murdering another human being can be a very moving experience.
Listen.
I got an idea.
What do you say we go and kill somebody, just us?
We'll find some drunk tourist, take him to the beach and put three in his coconut.
What's your favorite gun?
- A.45. - Great.
We'll make a big mess. How does that sound, baby doll?
My roast.
- This isn't working. - Oven's working fine, Jill.
No, this, this, Jimmy.
I married a contract killer, not Martha Stewart.
Hey, I am in disguise, okay?
Yeah, well, your disguise is dumb.
I mean, look at yourself.
And what are you doing in disguise? Everyone thinks you're dead.
Well, you never can tell, can you?
You are gonna sit and enjoy this meal.
I got this recipe from Mrs. Sanchez next door.
This is a cilantro reduction. Hey, watch your fingerprints!
- I spent the whole morning scrubbing. - There is something wrong with you.
Hey, there is nothing wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with me.
Every man that has an ongoing sexual relationship...
...experiences certain peaks and valleys within his male libido from time to time.
Last time we saw a peak was almost a year ago, Mr. Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski.
We're in a valley. We're below sea level. We're under the water.
The Tulip has:
Jimmy the Tulip is alive and well.
I'm not so sure. I saw a doctor in L.A.
This is a cilantro reduction.
You marinate the meat in tequila for 2 1 /2 hours...
...and it melts... - Are you listening?
He said it wasn't me.
Jill, please just come eat. I have been cooking all day.
Jimmy!
You might be shooting blanks.
This is not a dumb disguise. Now, come eat.
Think fast!
- Strabonitz! - Papa.
This is the best birthday present I could ever have.
Come here. My big boy, giant in the family.
- It's a beautiful day, no? - Yes.
No?
No.
"No" meaning "yes."
- Get in the car, I'm starving! - All right.
If I don't eat soon, I'll pass out.
Hello, birdie. Tweet, tweet, my friend. Tweet, tweet.
- Babe, you look hot. - Oz, knock it off.
Just checking out the gyroscopic swivel pan mechanism. You know, the new one.
You checked it three times already this morning. Nobody is coming, Oz.
- Knock it off. - Okay.
I got it, honey!
- Who sent you? - Buttercup Scouts of America.
What troop are you with?
- What? - You heard me.
What's your den mother's name?
Carol?
Jesus, Oz, what the hell are you doing?
- She's a Buttercup Scout. - I'm not buying this scout routine.
Besides, I think there's something in her hand.
Cookies. Minty Thins.
This is Ellen Wasserstrom's daughter.
I told her mother I'd buy cookies from her.
Putz.
- I heard that! - Jag-off.
Well, that was a close call, huh?
Minty Thins are bad anyway. They cause staining...
- You've really got to stop this now, Oz. - I know.
Nobody is coming to get us. They can't come and get us, because they're all dead.
- Or in jail. - Right.
If you look at that monitor one more time...
I'll be taking cold showers?
For starters.
You look very nice in that robe.
This will make you very happy. I think.
You think, huh?
Well, for starters, I hate the color.
So! You are the two that tried to muscle in on my businesses while I was gone.
- No! - Tell everyone that Lazlo Gogolak...
...is back in town.
How are they gonna tell anyone when they're dead?
What?
Come here. I love you, boy.
Don't correct me. As a rule.
- What is that? Give it to me. - Here, boss.
Oh, another surprise.
That was fun.
Oseransky.
- It's me. - Oh, hey, Jill, how are you?
- How's your new dental assistant? - Well, she's not trying to kill me.
Never forget the fun we had.
- Hey, listen. Can I ask you something? - Sure, anything.
You think Jimmy and Cynthia talk?
What do you mean? Like you and I talk?
No, like, I mean, "talk" talk.
I don't understand. Why would Jimmy and Cynthia be "talk" talking?
No, Cynthia would tell me. She tells me everything.
- Why? - He's acting like a fruitcake.
- What, he's killing people? - I wish.
No, he's up to something. He's acting like he's out of his mind, but I don't believe it.
Oh, jeez, a homicidal maniac acting totally crazy. What a surprise.
- Jill! - I gotta go, I'll talk to you later.
Yeah?
- So that's the one we're after? - Yes.
Cost me 1 0,000 to get, you know, the dental work.
- To find out if it's him. - Did you save receipts?
- No. What receipts? - I'm kidding.
Nobody saves receipts anymore. Don't worry. That's why it's funny.
It's funny. All right, so you go in and you grab him.
- Yes. - You go in...
And I...
And grab him.
- What do you do? - I go in and I grab him.
Piece of pie.
- No, it's "cake." - What did I say?
- Pie. - And you said?
- Cake. No, it's pie. - Piece of pie.
Cake.
Mr. White, how's that implant treating you?
Okay.
So how are you? How you doing? You're looking topnotch. Very stellar.
That's a nice sweater. A burnt orange or...?
Hey, Dr. Oseransky, your wife's on line one.
- Is she upset? - You know what...
...I can't tell whether she's laughing or crying.
I think she might be laughing.
- Okay, well, put her through, okay, Julie? - Okay.
Here we go. A little nitrous for you.
Now, don't take this off until I tell you.
You may enjoy that.
- Hi, honey, what's up? - Got some news.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah. We're pregnant.
What? We're pregnant!
What? When?
- Probably when you were on top of me. - Or when you were on top of me.
- Doctor. - Mrs. Himelfarb.
- Don't forget to floss. - God, Oz, I love you so much.
Oh, I love you too. So you're not angry?
About me being pregnant?
No, about me almost shooting a scout this morning.
Mrs. Havacamp.
- Forget that. I wanna see you. - Oh, I wanna see you too.
I gotta go. So I'll meet you at your favorite place. Okay, I love you.
Mr. White.
I'm so sorry.
I'm gonna bring somebody in to do that for me. Okay?
He's not breathing. Call whoever deals with that. I'm going to lunch with Cynthia.
91 1. 91 1 deals with that.
Call 91... Hold on, please.
Why do I have a bad feeling about this?
This can't be good.
- It really is perfect now, isn't it? - Yes.
- There's so much planning. - I know.
So many things to buy.
We gotta get a crib, clothes.
- We have to redecorate the guest bedroom. - I'll finally get to build that moat.
- What? - Oh, no worries.
I've already checked with zoning.
Are you kidding? We're not building a fricking moat in our yard.
This will go all around the perimeter.
- Oz, no. Don't ruin this moment. - I'm not...
We're having a baby. Not now. I mean, we're fighting now...
...but then we're gonna have a baby.
- Honey, I'm just trying to... - Drive me insane.
Look, I don't wanna raise a child in an environment of complete and total fear.
Fear? Who's talking about fear? We're talking about a moat.
Just think of it as a little, round swimming pool.
- You're afraid of everything, Oz. - That is so not true.
- Thinking about me? - Off and on. Yeah.
See the paper? Well?
- I'm a little nervous about this. - There's nothing to be nervous about.
- What, is he driving you nuts again? - Yes.
Sounds like you could use a break. A little...
- Cahooting? - I seem to remember...
...you were always good at cahooting.
I remember a time when your middle name was danger.
Oh, Jimmy.
- Cynthia. - I hate lying to Oz like this.
Oz can't know anything about this. Are we clear?
We're clear. Does Jill suspect anything?
- Jill thinks I'm losing my mind. - She's probably right.
- You still got the numbers, right? - Of course.
- God. - What?
You still sound so sexy on the phone.
- Listen, one more thing. - Yeah?
What are you wearing?
It's not important.
All right, I gotta go.
- Game time. - Good luck.
You're on.
"Honey, I'm sorry."
Honey. I'm so sorry.
It's the idiot from under the table.
Honey?
Honey.
She not here.
Oh, my God.
Mr. White, what are you doing here?
If this is about the nitrous oxide I gave you, I'm sorry.
Dentist, sit down.
Where... Where is my wife?
Your wife...
...is in a safe... - My wife's in a safe?
Place. Safe place.
Let me finish a sentence. I talk, you talk, I talk.
- That's how we should have a conversation. - Okay, yes, good. Whatever you say.
How safe and for how long is entirely up to you.
Would it be out of line if I asked at this juncture...
...who you are and what you're doing in my home?
I'm...
...flabbergasted.
- I'm sorry... - Chagrined.
That you don't see the similarity in the facial structure.
- And you guys just understand all of this? - Do you remember Janni Gogolak?
Do you or don't you?
- What? - Remember Janni!
- Yes, I remember Janni. - Janni...
...was my son.
Oh, no, no. No, no, I know what you're thinking.
- Yes, you do? - I think I do.
You're like the Amazing Kreskin.
Well, you know all this, where it's going?
No, no, no, no. I just think...
I think that you think I killed your son. I did not kill your son.
- Jimmy Tudeski killed your son. - You know, I collect these.
- Really? - Nope.
- Where is Jimmy? - Jimmy's dead.
- Jimmy's dead. They're both dead. - I'm bored.
Strabo, put one in his head. Maybe that will help him remember.
- Papa... - lf he puts one in my head...
...how will I remember? - Shut up!
- I'll try that. - Where's Jimmy? I know he's alive!
Mr. Gogolak, I don't know where Jimmy is. Please. As far as I know, he's dead.
- Strabo. - Strabo. Don't, Mr. White. Strabo!
Enough! Enough!
Are you kidding me? That's loud!
Come on, he's getting away.
Stop, stop. Why are you shooting in a neighborhood like this?
Let everybody know we're here. Go next door, show them the weapon.
- What are we gonna do, Papa? - Relax.
The dentist will lead us to the rat.
It'll be maybe five more minutes. 1 0, maybe.
One second. Dr. Oseranksy's office.
- Julie, it's Oz! - Hey, doc. You sound frazzled.
- Are you all right? - I am frazzled.
Just cancel my appointments for the week.
- You know how many people are here? - Just cancel them!
- Okay, fine. - Okay.
I got you.
- That was good one. - Yeah, yeah.
Yermo, Zevo.
We're driving to Mexico in 1 0 minutes.
Stop drinking or you'll get an IUD.
Cynthia, you have something to eat?
Nice of you to take interest in my health.
- Cynthia, take one. Eat. - Thank you, Anya.
Mother, Mother, please, please. No.
Not now. It's nice.
- It's tough to eat with all the gas. - I made it for her.
All right.
She's 1 08.
I love her.
- Let's get Jimmy! Bring around the car. - I can't believe you think Jimmy's still alive.
You remember how his body was identified? I do. Dental records.
- So? - Sit down.
Your husband just happens to be a dentist.
He and Jimmy are buddy-buddy.
- What's your point? - Do the math!
Jimmy is still alive and your husband, again, with him.
- How do you know where my husband is? - That was simple.
- "LuJack." - LuJack?
- In the Porsche. - No, Papa.
It's... You say "LoJack."
See? LoJack.
- I didn't quite hear. - Oh, LoJack.
Don't correct me.
Don't ever correct me!
You like getting hit? You're a freak who enjoys pain?
- Of course not. - Watch the broad!
Do you know how this works?
Thanks, I got it.
Hold still or you're gonna look like a Hare Krishna.
That's funny.
- Are you okay? - Am I bleeding?
- No. Hello. - Jill!
- Who's that? - I can't talk now.
Who is that? Give me the phone. Give me...
Give me the phone.
- Who is this? - Jimmy. Jimmy, hi, it's Oz.
- Oz? How the hell did Oz get our number? - I don't know.
What did I tell you about ever calling here?
I think you said something about killing me...
Yes, killing me and beating me to death with my own corpse. That's what it was.
Yeah, good memory. What do you want?
- I'm in Mexico. - You're in Mexico?
I was thinking I would swing by...
If you come by this house, Oz...
...if you come within 25 miles, I will back a car over your head 75 times.
Okay.
Hi, I'm a dead man.
Good talking to you.
No, no, no. No, no, no. Stay away from the vehicle.
Get out of the car. Get out.
Jimmy! Jimmy, don't shoot, it's me, it's Oz!
I know.
That almost hit me.
How you doing?
- Are you wearing bunny slippers? - Stay away from my chickens, Oz.
Oh, my God. Oh, no. Blanche!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Blanche!
- Who's Blanche? - Consuelo!
Xerxes! Alert the others, there's been a tragedy!
Who's Blanche?
This is Blanche.
- You killed her. - I'm sorry.
Go home, Oz. Go home before something bad happens.
Something bad already has happened. Cynthia's been kidnapped.
Poor Blanche. Cut down in her prime.
He names his chickens. You name your chickens?
Blanche! You're dead!
Hey, Oz, you're here.
He killed Blanche.
- What are you doing here? - I'd like to know. What are you doing here?
- Put a sock in it. We talk all the time. - Jill.
Really. You talk all the time?
We spoke once. And I think it was mostly about some kind of fruit.
- Are you alone? - Yeah.
- You weren't followed? - No.
- How would you know? - Honey.
Well, now that he's here, he's staying for lobster â la Tudeski.
"Lobster â la Tudeski"? I can't stay for lobster â la Tudeski.
- Lazlo Gogolak was at my house. - Oh, my God.
- Am I setting a place or not? - Yes, please.
- What is the matter with him? - It's a long story. Talk to me.
Well, Cynthia's been kidnapped.
- Are you serious? - Yes.
- Lazlo wants Jimmy's head for killing Janni. - He came to your house?
Wouldn't this conversation be so much better dining on my masterpiece?
What's wrong with him?
Are you crazy? Are you out of your mind?
They know you're alive.
- How would they know? - They do.
Oh, look, honey, we have a squealer in the house.
A squealer? I'm not a squealer!
I've never squealed on anybody.
How do they know, Oz?
They have Cynthia. I need your help.
- Yeah. - And I'm your friend.
You know what, Oz? Friendship is overrated.
I got enough friends. In fact, I'm thinking about maybe losing a couple.
This could be great. A way to get back in the game.
Yes, back in the game.
I don't wish to get back in the game. I like cooking.
I like cleaning. And I like to decorate.
- We're talking about Cynthia here. - Yes, Cynthia. Your ex-wife?
"Ex" would be the key word in that sentence, Oz.
If you don't get off your ass and help get Cynthia...
...I'll never talk to you again.
If you ever grab me like that again, I will stick a knife in your face.
Is that clear?
We'll talk about it over dinner...
...which is probably ruined. Go wash your hands.
We eat in 1 5 minutes.
He's kidding.
You better go wash your hands, Oz.
Well, it really is a nice presentation.
It would have been, if we hadn't let the sauce clot.
The potatoes were supposed to be floating around the lobster, not just stuck like that.
I had this tricolore thing going on.
It looks great.
I would hate to think you were placating me to talk about Cynthia.
No. No.
- Is that Hebrew? - Yeah.
- Aren't you Catholic? - Yeah. Devout.
- That makes sense. - Oz...
...give us the lowdown on Cynthia.
She's pregnant.
Oh, my God! That's so great!
Thanks. The funny thing is, we weren't trying.
Oh, my God, that's great.
- Any idea where they're keeping her? - With Lazlo. What's the matter with him?
Nothing, don't worry. This is just his way of expressing joy lately.
Oh, so this is how a retired mass murderer acts.
This is how a retired mass murderer behaves when people show up uninvited for dinner!
- Noted. - Jimmy.
- How many goons does he have with him? - Seven, eight.
- And his son. - Strabonitz?
Well, should I go to the police?
Kidnapping would put him away forever.
He'd make her disappear to avoid going back to the slammer.
Why are you asking me?
- This is Oz's problem. - Jimmy.
You have to help me.
What, are you nuts? I got a great thing going on down here, Oz.
Plus, I'm safe down here.
Besides, I don't care what happens with you and Cynthia.
I'm not uprooting my life to save your sorry ass.
Light it up like a piņata!
You told them where I live? You're dead.
Told them where I live. You're a dead man.
- Jimmy, are you coming or not?! - You can run, but you can't hide!
Let's go!
Oz! Oz.
Put the... Let's go!
You better run, tooth-boy.
I get a second, I'm gonna slice you up.
Anyone hit anything yet?
Let's go.
Will you come on?
This idiot. Will you come on?
Get up!
Go!
They're getting away!
Come on!
You're shooting at the house, they're in the car. You had one shot.
All right, it was a nice shot. It was. Come here.
It was a nice shot.
Nice shooting, honey.
Thanks, honey.
The sons of batches got away.
So do I clip her or not?
Keep Cynthia happy for the time being. Can you do that?
Not likely.
Sick bastards!
What?! What is it? What?
Janni.
I want him dead.
Dead!
Yesterday!
Before breakfast!
Before eggs!
Scrambled.
I don't understand why we have to dump my car.
It's not your business to understand.
It's not my business to leave my $80,000 car in Mexico.
Maybe you got a plan there. Take the car, lose the wife.
- Good plan. - I'll get the tickets.
You do that, you squealer.
- I didn't squeal on anybody. - The Gogolaks showed up on their own?
- Forget it, Jill. - It means he's a rat and a liar.
You married someone in the witness protection program.
You got a really funny way...
...of asking for help, squeal cheese!
- Please help me? - Well, that's a little better.
But it still doesn't help, now that the bad guys know where I live.
- You're spitting in my mouth. - Just go and get the tickets, squeal weasel!
- How was that? - It was good.
- Scary. - Really?
Come here.
So, Oz, congratulations on Cynthia being pregnant.
Thank you.
You think I'd be a good father?
- You don't think I'd be a good father? - I didn't say that.
You didn't say anything.
No, I think you'd be a good father.
- I didn't understand what you were... - Shut up.
- Why are we on this bus? - Your car's got a GPS system on it.
I figure that's how Lazlo tracked you down.
- That's what I'm hoping, for your sake. - For my sake?
Yeah. Because if that's not the case...
...I'm gonna kill you.
- Right, baby? - Yes, sirree, Bob.
- I wish Cynthia got kidnapped more often. - Me too.
I'll just put my wife in danger whenever you guys have problems in the bedroom.
What problems? What problems?
I didn't say anything.
Is this what you two talk about on the phone behind my back?
How would you like it if I talked to Cynthia behind your back? Sit down.
- You're causing a scene. - You grabbed my face.
The front part of my head.
Yes?
He bought three one-way tickets to L.A.
Los Angeles? Interesting.
All right, so we cut them off at the piss.
Just like John Wayne, we ride up over the hill.
You two in the Porsche. All right?
When we get to L.A., we strip it, make a few dollars and then torch it.
But for now, you hot-wire it and follow us. All right? Come on.
- Can we stop the horseplay for one second? - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Okay, so we had a car. My car. My $80,000 car.
Then we're on a bus. And now we're renting a car.
This doesn't make any sense.
- It will. - I ordered...
...a black cup of coffee, all right? A black cup of coffee.
I screwed up. I apologize.
Well, do I have to wait another 20 minutes for your screwup? A black cup of coffee.
- I'll get a fresh cup. - You're still standing there.
- You're still standing. - I apologize.
Bye.
Hey, pal?
Why don't you give the girl a break. She already said she was sorry.
- She's just working for a living. - Right.
Why don't you mind your own business.
- Asshole. - Oh, no.
Where was I? I was just gonna remind you...
Now, son, you're never gonna be as mean or rude...
...to a waitress or anybody that brings you food like your dad just was, are you, son?
- No. - Real good.
Eat all your corn. Grow up to be big and strong like your Uncle Jimmy.
You see, Oz? I'd be a great father.
I just taught that kid not to be mean to waitresses.
You know, we could make this a real party.
- What, we need more balloons? - Oh, Strabo.
I love your name.
No, Strabo, I mean, you and me...
...well, we could make this, you know...
...a fun party.
- Oh, you mean you and me... - That's right.
- I've always had a little crush on you. - I've always sensed that.
- You did? - Yes.
- I guess Jimmy just moved a little quicker? - Well, Jimmy is as good as...
And so you and the dentist...
Things not so well going?
To tell you the truth...
...I kind of miss the excitement.
And I like your hair that way.
- Long. - You're making me blush.
That's good.
Give me one good reason to trust you.
- Well, I can give 280 million. - What?
- What are you talking about? - Your father never told you?
What?
What's so funny?
What's so goddamn funny?
Strabo.
Your daddy thinks you're a moron.
- Anya! - Coming.
Anya, you watch the broad.
- Where you going? - I'm going to the bus station.
- Find Papa. - My God.
Anya, can I use your bathroom?
Yes.
All right, I got your cream cheese and scrambled egg.
- That leaves you with the tuna. - I don't like tuna.
- Start liking it. - Okay.
I thought of a reason why you don't have to kill me.
What would that be, dentist?
What if they didn't trace me through my car? That's a hell of a thing to hang my life on.
- Only thing to hang your life on is trust. - You want mustard?
Yes, honey, thank you.
What, no Jewish prayer before our ham and cheese?
You got a problem with my religiosity, Oz?
Do unto others before you're turned into a pillar of salt.
Exactly. Unless they're a rat.
Then you can shoot them in the eyes.
- A pillar of salt? - That's right. Moses said that.
Read the Bible, Oz.
Eat up, dentist. It could be your last meal.
If they don't show up, you're gonna shoot me? Is that it?
- That's the size of it. - And let Cynthia die too?
I told you before, I don't care what happens to Cynthia.
Oh, yeah, sure. That's why you're still wearing her crucifix around your neck.
No, wait. I'm sorry, what?
- What did you say was Cynthia's? - Did I say something?
Two years we've been together and you never mention...
...you wear a present from your ex-wife? - It wasn't a present.
- Where's it from? - I don't know.
It's Cynthia's. Her grandmother gave it to her and she gave it to Jimmy.
You say you're not a squealer?!
Looks like you got a reprieve, Oz.
Oh, thank God the killers are here.
So check the bus?
As opposed to...
...just looking at the bus? Yes, check the bus!
Let me out of here. Hey!